September. This past week especially, the change has been palpable. Cold, crisp mornings. Breeze slightly more cutting, bit of an ominous edge to it, alluding to the season that has yet to descend upon us. Warm afternoons that lull you into complacency, cut short by a sudden evening darkness, noticeably earlier day by day, one week to the next. And so it goes. Shifting seasons, a brand new page. September. This year it's not just the transition to fall and the end of summer t

I am in absolute awe of the humans who have come forward since the launch of my “unclinic” in the forest. DIA is not relaxing, feel-good acupuncture in the moment. It is deep and sometimes uncomfortable work. The feeling good part only comes after a bit of struggle and effort. And the people who have shown up to do this work haven’t had easy life experiences. They’ve had trauma, PTSD, anxiety, long-term chronic health conditions. They’ve been afraid, hesitant, concerned about

"Hope is very often a refusal to know what is so, and steadfastly it is a refusal to live as if the present moment is good enough and all we really have." ~ Stephen Jenkinson It's been a rough week. Sadness, lack of motivation, and the desire to retreat from the world have all been bubbling up to the surface. These down swings put me back in touch with the struggles of deep depression, and they inspire me to write to those who still find themselves stuck in the depths. So you

“Who. Are. You?” demanded the Caterpillar. “Well, I… I hardly know sir. I’ve changed so many times since this morning, you see.” “I do not see. Explain yourself.” “Well, I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir. Because I’m not myself, you know.” “I do knot know.” “Well, I can’t put it any more clearly, for it isn’t clear to me.” “You. Who are you?” ~ Walt Disney’s “Alice in Wonderland”, 1951 While I was manic, I was obsessed with the question “who are you?” (Fun fact: mania br

I’ve just made a cup of coffee. It smells delicious - rich and comforting, spiced with a pinch of cinnamon, made creamy with almond milk. The cup is hot in my hands, steam warming my face, my perpetually cold nose tip. I am enjoying each and every sip - the scent, the taste, the experience. I feel happy. Buzzed. Mildly giddy, actually. And then suddenly, for no apparent reason, I’m on the verge of tears. Correction - It would seem “the verge” was an optimistic assessment, for

The effects of my experiences in the world of psychiatry were not initially apparent. After discharge from inpatient care, I was still mildly hypomanic - that is to say, I felt pretty good. I was embarrassed by what had happened, and worried about what people had heard about me, about who knew what. I was aware that some of my neighbors had probably witnessed me screaming and fighting police officers on my doorstep. There was shame, to be sure - no doubt about it, I had gone

I don’t know if severe clinical depression was an experience I ‘needed’ to have. Maybe it occurred in part because a crash, a low phase, was necessary to balance out the high of mania. Maybe I was processing the trauma of the whole experience. It’s likely there was a chemical component - perhaps I had used up a 6 month supply of all those happy brain chemicals in a matter of days or weeks and needed to rest and rebuild them. Or if psychiatry has it right, then I’m at the merc

The Void is the space in between. It is a space in consciousness, between objective and subjective realities. As we fall asleep at night, once our conscious minds slip away but before bodies sink into total slumber, there is a spaciousness. And in this space, energy moves easily. People might experience twitches, jumpiness, or restless legs as the body naturally discharges tension accumulated during the day. With the mind out of the way, we can better explore our pain and lea

** I wrote this nearly a month ago, and didn't feel right about publishing it until now. Something has since shifted and I'm feeling much more myself. Yay spring! Yay acupuncture and herbs! Big thanks to the amazing supportive humans in my life who help me through. xx mm Life is a journey. Life is a highway. Life is a river with a strong and insistent current. Mostly, I've been lucky - able to float with that current, to be carried forward in a way that's felt safe and secur

Everything that we have has been Given to us. I, for one, have earned nothing - Not this life, not my body, not my health. Not my family, nor community, Or the thoughts in my head or the skills in my hands. If you resonate with the idea of a force greater than yourself, you may give thanks to that. We can all, however, give thanks to ~ our parents, our ancestors, our genetics, our upbringing, our education. We may give thanks to the people that surround us and support us ~ Th

We tend to see some slow days at Heart & Hands Health Collective as we enter the summer months. The weather is improving, and all those seasonal depression sufferers are out soaking up the sunshine and feeling happy. The allergy sufferers of spring usually get some reprieve by this point as well, as the pollen overload calms down. Students are much less stressed and insomnia-prone after finals are over and holidays begin. People are away traveling, and not seeing clients beca

“I’m just getting tired of the pain. First it was in one place, now it’s another… and I just want it to GO AWAY. I’m getting frustrated and angry and depressed and I can’t think about anything else because it’s always there and I’ve tried everything and nothing helps!!” I hear some variation of this desperation every single week, and it's always a little heartbreaking. Yes, we all have pain from time to time – a sore lower back, a kink in the neck, a headache or migraine - a

Sometimes you just have a sad day. And sometimes it lingers. Sometimes for a week, sometimes for endless awful months. Sometimes you push away the people that you like the most, just because you can't bear to bring them down. Sometimes you feel like an alien, like you belong to another species, one that hides away and watches endless hours of Netflix in an attempt to distract yourself from the isolation, the monotony of depression, the feelings that you are unable to look at

Over the past month in Mysore, I have begun to develop quite a deep and intimate relationship with my ceiling fan. Although there remains a fair bit of physical distance between us - as I lay on my bed, gazing up at it for endless hours - we have come to an understanding, the ceiling fan and I. I look beyond it's (frankly - disgustingly) filthy blades, and appreciate the fact that it hasn't attempted a suicide leap from the ceiling and come crashing down on me while I sleep (

Ask anyone who's ever travelled to India and they will undoubtably tell you the same thing - that this is the land of unapologetic contrasts. In no place is the stark disparity between the beauty and the ugliness of life more evident than it is in this country. The very rich and very poor live side-by-side - the slum just streets away from some of the biggest mansions in Gokulam. The starving homeless walk, begging, along the wide, flower-lined lanes. There are gorgeous, lush

A really unfortunate and yucky incident happened to me the other day. The kind of yucky that persistently runs around in your brain, over and over again, until you're forced to spew it out on paper (or screen), even if you should be attending to more pressing matters, like packing for the 3 month trip to India you're leaving for... in 3 days. And so I'm gonna share my yucky story with you. I had gone into a store to buy myself some late afternoon chocolate (not an uncommon oc

When I am good at what I do, I am fully present. I'm not at my best when I'm coming up with the most accurate diagnosis, or the most intricate acupuncture point combination, or when I'm treating as many patients as possible. I'm an awesome acupuncturist when I'm sitting there, listening to someone, and really seeing them. Because we all want - we all need - to be seen. And when we're not seen - when we go unnoticed, feel unappreciated, undervalued - that's when people transfo

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is built on the foundational theory of Yin and Yang. Some people might recognize the Yin/Yang symbol and associate it with the 1960's hippie movement. Or maybe you've heard Yin and Yang used as terms to categorize - men are described as Yang while women are Yin. This theory, however, has much more far-reaching applications. Yin and Yang are comparative terms, ways to contrast any objects or states in relation to one another. Day is more YANG

Before you proceed further, a warning: This is might be one of those blog posts that feels a little awkward for those of you who don't know me personally. I'm really hoping not to turn anyone off with an overload of too-personal information, but am also feeling that this is the whole point in having a blog - talking about my experience, and hoping that others can relate to/ be inspired/ learn something from it. And also, I feel like writing is a really great way for me to pro

I have a confession to make. I think about dying. I think about it quite a bit. Probably more than is normal for a healthy, privileged, 26-year-old. In November 2012 I witnessed someone's death. A week later my uncle died suddenly in a car accident. And I was not one of those people who grew up never having experienced a funeral - coming from a Catholic farming family is synonymous with having a large extended family (it's that magical combination of not condoning birth contr